What's Wrong With the Big Ten: Dead Weight

Single-handedly destroying once-proud programs, one loss to a MAC team at a time

To some, this section may seem a little harsh. After all, the gentlemen pictured above are in the early stages of their coaching careers at their respective schools, one took his team to a Rose Bowl, and the other took his team to 12-win season in 2006. Both of them seem like relatively nice guys, in the same way everyone seems like a "nice person" when you hardly know them beyond a shared conversation or two. In all honesty, one is arguably a cokefiend and the other is arguably a meathead, possibly a hellspawn. I have no problem criticizing either of these two.

We begin first with Ron Zook of Illinois, more popularly known as [NAME REDACTED] to Blogfrica. His first season can be forgiven; he took over a team with really no talent to speak of left over from the Ron Turner era, and lead them to a 2-9 season. His second season is when Illinois boosters and the athletic department should have gotten a little wary of exactly what was going on in the wonderful little world that must exist in Ron Zook's head. He named Juice Williams his starter shortly into the season. This starter completed 39.6% of his passes on the season, looking like a freshman in every single game but being bailed out by yet another hapless Michigan State team under John L. Smith. There did not appear to be much hope for the future as the coach clung desperately to the promising-but-still-very-raw scrambler with a howitzer arm. Illinois actually improved on its loss total under the new scheduling rules, losing 10 games out of 12 and signaling what was thought to be an early doom for the Ron Zook era. To be honest, calls for his job at this point would have been very Ohio State - ridiculous and way too damn early. Yeah, it sucks, but you can muddle through. I tend to subscribe to the "three years and you're out" school of thought; if a coach takes over a failing program and doesn't lead them to at least a .500 season by his third year - and this "time limit", if you will, is negotiable, depending on circumstances such as the overall talent level when he arrives, expectations, etc. - he should probably be let go.

It can be said Zook responded quite well; the next season the Illini won 9 games, including a surprising win over top-ranked Ohio State. Well, I say this with tongue in cheek, because if you followed that team over the season, you knew it didn't look like a number one team and was only there because literally every team ahead of them at the start of the season had lost at one point or another. Ohio State was not that good, but it was still a respectable, potentially-program-building win for Zook, who rode his star quarterback all season long. Illinois went to a Rose Bowl and found itself in well over its head, but considering Williams was only a sophomore, things were looking bright.

It was not until his fourth year that the Zooker aura fully set in. Given the loss of some senior leadership on D (and undoubtedly the greatest patriot this country has ever known), a step down was expected, partially offset by the gains the offense - especially the passing game - was expected to make. Really, Illinois delivered on offensive expectations in terms of an improved passing game, but the running game was surprisingly lackluster; surprising because the talent was there, and so, arguably, was the offensive line. The passing game did improve drastically, but key elements of what made the Illini competitive in the Big Ten again - the rushing game and the defense - were simply gone. Illinois lost a defensive tackle, two linebackers, and both safeties, and utterly fell apart. That's a little more than half the defense returning; it should have taken a step back, but it should not have collapsed as it did in 2008. Were I an Illini fan, I would be extremely wary of this guy in 2008; if the team does not improve drastically with the influx of young talent, it has to be time to let Zook go. Florida fans would probably be the first tell you that this was not a good hire; the man has turned in one good season off the backs of unbelievable amounts of talent given Illinois' recent history. A younger, more - uh - rational coach - and some defense, jeez - would be a Godsend to the Big Ten and Illinois.

Wisconsin. Hoo boy. I have to say that I liked Barry Alvarez. A lot. Something about him made him more likable than your average coach. No idea why. When he left for Wisconsin's AD job, I was fully confident the guy would only approve a genius of a successor, one who wouldn't change what Barry left behind but also build on it. When he chose Bret Bielema, I figured the Bielema would do a heckuva job (Brownie) so and so forth and what not. I really didn't think much of it until he went 12-1 in his first season - on, admittedly, a schedule featuring various schools for the Blind and Infirm plus Michigan as the only vaguely good team - and Bielema looked like the Wisconsin Cheese Warrior God-King. I'll admit, this was my Scout/Rivals period, and I bought into the hype.

Then 2007 happened, and then 2008 happened. In both years, Wisconsin was expected to at least compete for the Big Ten title, and possibly find itself in a nice little BCS spot - probably the Rose Bowl - if it does just that. 2008 was a down year for Michigan, and 2007 was down for both Michigan and Penn State. This should not have been hard. In 2007, after a 5-0 start, Bielema met with his brother-in-failures Ron Zook, and lost. Wisconsin then lost four of the next eight, including a 31-point curbstomping at the hands of Penn State. Anthony Morelli was the starting QB for Penn State. ANTHONY "2-INTS A GAME" MORELLI. This is not that hard, Bielema.

I, and perhaps many Wisconsin fans, forgave Bielema for 2007. He's not perfect; while the conference may be down, this is a "young team" and all that. But 2008 was just bad. You goons lost to Michigan. Ten dickless paraplegics with an emu playing quarterback could have beaten Michigan this year. Actually, they did: Notre Dame beat Michigan 35-17; though to be blunt, Michigan would probably have won that game had the return team not been dipping their hands in butter and bacon grease on the sidelines. The heartbreaker to Ohio State is forgivable - by the end of the season it was obvious Ohio State was better than its 35-3 shitkicking at the hands of USC, and that it could, in fact, hang with 'elite programs'. A 20-17 loss to that team is entirely forgivable.

But, 48-7 to Penn State? At home, night game? That's fail with a capital "FUCKING HELL YOU INGRATE". Purdue held Penn State to 20 points, Ohio State held them to 13. Wisconsin's talent on defense is not that far removed from either of those two schools. Penn State, as I said before, during, and after the season, was not that good. Upon being smacked in the mouth, as pointed out in the post prior to this one, Penn State Big Tens itself into an oblivion of off tackle runs for three yards and wobbly underthrown desperation bombs. Wisconsin supplied all the butt Penn State wanted it to in that game, and it didn't have to be that way. This is Bielema at his worst; losing games Wisconsin, on talent alone, has every reason to be quite competitive in, and possibly win. Barry Alvarez would have won that game, I say this with no proof whatsoever but goddamn it, it violates laws of nature to lose that big at home if you aren't Just Northwestern, or Indiana. That's a loss the dregs of the conference look at and say, "damn, they just got their shit pushed up". Is it all Bielema's fault? It's never "all" anyone's fault (except when talking about Jim Bollman and the Ohio State "offense"); there are a number of factors including Wisconsin's terrible luck of the draw at quarterback, namely: they all suck some serious dong. Allan Evridge was unspeakably awful against almost everyone, and Dustin Sherer, while respectable until has late collapse in the Champs Sports Bowl, didn't really add anything to the offense.

I am not arguing that the aforementioned goons be fired because they aren't winning enough. If I were Barry Alvarez and whatever old white dude Illinois calls its AD, they'd be out the door based on a lack of results and the fact that they are not bringing anything new to the program, anything for recruits or the fanbases to get excited about. I call them dead weight because that's what they are; you don't have to get rid of dead weight. You can let it slow you down, and eventually drag you down. But you don't have to do anything about it if it violates your principles as an academic institution or whatever lamebrained excuse apologists trot out when it comes torch-and-pitchfork time.

The third and final section of this prolonged, needless rant deals with the cratered expectations of various teams - and of course, their fanbases - around the conferece.

What's wrong with the Big Ten, a preface

Even the most ardent of Big Ten homers are now (probably) willing to admit the conference is now on a significant downward trend. There are no more denials here; Ohio State is no longer the only one publicly shaming the conference, though we certainly did our damnedest in the last two title games. The Big Ten can no longer lord victories over SEC teams Tennessee, Arkansas, and yes, even Florida so easily over anyone, really. Not only are those games officially old hat according to the media and Scout and Rivals types - having occurred prior to the 2008 season, after all - they were close affairs that were ultimately decided by turnovers one way or the other. There was no dominance to be had, and even these victories came over teams that were 2nd or 3rd best in their conference, in relative down years for two of the programs, Tennessee and Florida. Regardless of how you approach past "big game" postseason victories, the Big Ten did not fare well - at all - in the 2008 postseason. For seemingly the third straight year, conference tin cans like Northwestern and Michigan State hung tough against teams that supposedly outmatched them athletically and schematically, only to lose late in their typical fashion. In 2007, Michigan State was in the game four quarters longer than it should have been against Boston College, and relatively evenly-matched Wisconsin and Tennessee teams traded blows until a late Volunteer pick sealed the game. In 2006, Wisconsin and Penn State pulled out squeakers against Arkansas and Tennessee respectively, before Ohio State shat the bed early and often against Florida.

Now it has come to this; a 1-6 mark in postseason play, highlighted by an Iowa rout of a truly feckless South Carolina team, and lowlighted by another Rose Bowl blowout and Ohio State getting its heart ripped out and stomped on repeatedly by the Longhorns of Texas. It was tough to watch: Wisconsin played Florida State close until an apocalyptic flurry of turnovers turned a relatively close affair into 42-13 Seminole romp. I do not need to tell you that Florida State does not have Peter Warrick and Chris "Treebeard" Weinke tossing the ball around anymore. They are bad. And their quarterback has the worst surname of any quarterback outside of "Jimmy Interception" and "Nathan Fumbledsnap": Christian Ponder. Penn State was down by three touchdowns in the blink of an eye to a USC team that is very good, but not that good. Northwestern repped itself fairly well before losing to a thoroughly slightly-above-average Missouri team. I slept through Iowa's win over South Carolina, not knowing it would be the Big Ten's only glimpse at fleeting postseason glory. Michigan State gave Georgia as much guff as it possibly could, but as I called in Dr. Saturday's liveblog, would not win if it gave up a touchdown to Georgia. It did. Three of them.

Actually, it wasn't just tough to watch. It was brutal at times. Big Ten teams, almost across the board, responded to adversity by going into a shell at which Woody Hayes and Bo Schembechler would have gawked. It was truly a sight to see in its uniformity. Wisconsin had a reasonably good shell to go into - it averaged nine yards a pop on the ground against Florida State's rather good run defense. But it doesn't mean anything if every nine yard gain is punctuated by a fumble or the next nine yard gain alternates with a wobbly, underthrown pick. Big ten quarterbacks, Brian Hoyer and Dustin Sherer chief among them, throw wobbly, underthrown picks that cause ACC quarterbacks to cover their eyes and throw themselves on the ground, prostrate and wailing with agony (from here on out this condition will be known as 16 seconds left in the Fiesta Bowl).

What the hell is wrong with the Big Ten? Why can't it get away from mentalities that have been dead and gone schematically for nearly forty years? Is the bitch mentality as ubiquitous in the conference as I will allege in the next piece? The simple answer is the obvious one: I don't know. Whatever the Big Ten lacks, it is not one of these things: speed, athleticism, athletes, or whatever the latest media meme is. If you're a division one football program, you have athletes and speed to burn. Some teams just have a ridiculous amount of it, namely Florida. The widening gap between Big Ten teams and teams from the SEC, Big XII, whatever, cannot merely be accredited to recruiting stars and a lack thereof. Ohio State, Michigan, Penn State and Wisconsin are all NFL factories. Even bad coaches at some of those schools cannot stop, or even begin to slow down, the flow of stellar athletes from Big Ten schools into the league. Ohio State stands a good chance of getting three guys drafted in the first round. Talent is not the issue, at least with the conference's typical top four. In my intense, deep and prolonged study of the current state of the Big Ten, I have identified three different problems affecting the eleven teams that make up the poorly-monikered conference: The Bitch Mentality, Dead Weight, and Cratered Expectations that may or may not have been there in the first place.

In the first section, I will discuss the Bitch Mentality, a problem plaguing the conferences' States: Michigan, Penn and Ohio. Iowa, more often than not, also suffers from a bitch mentality. We shall see as much when Iowa quarterback and former Gambino crime family police informant Ricky Stanzi can no longer simply hand off to Shonn Greene and watch him personally defile a defense. UM also used to suffer from an intense case of the bitch mentality, and for the sake of convenience, will be discussed at length in this section.

The second section will deal with Dead Weight; coaches who found early success who now cling bitterly to it in the face of losing to Western Michigan and edging out Cal Poly. As you may have guessed, Wisconsin and Illinois fall into this category.

The third and final section will deal with Cratered Expectations; something that in truth affects every Big Ten team to some extent, as fanbases are not instantly out for blood following every loss like Ohio State and its SEC kindred. It is not necessarily a problem; some fanbases are simply more civilized than the ravenous, bloodthirsty Ohio State fanbase, and probably already have a good head coach getting the most he can out of the schools feeble program. Others don't care that much about "sports", preferring to unlock all the achievements in Fable II rather than find a good football coach who does not look like a walrus. Others still have hired an "OO-RAH GO TEAM I DO COCAINE" Red Bull goomba under promises of Rose Bowls and "Minnesota footbaw". Pitiably, the remaining team has never been good at football and is having its once-proud roundball program crushed under the pudgy thumbs of a text-happy basketball coach. As you have probably noticed Northwestern, Purdue, Minnesota, and Indiana are the primary culprits in the final category.

I don't read all that much, spending my sleepless nights studying calculus and praying to various heathen gods while sacrificing small animals that I'll pass the damn class, but when I do, it's usually something history or politics-related. Thus, I've had my fill of seeing (and usually not reading) books on the rack that read "GLARING, POTENTIALLY OFFENSIVE WORD(S) IN ALLCAPS AND RED LETTERING (usually something along the lines of "liberals, degenerates, commies, bible-thumpers, terrists [sic], Talibandits, the Welsh, Ohio State fans"): What it/they is/are doing to America/the Environment/Manbearpig and what we/you/I/Cthulhu can do about it". This is not intended to be a blog version of those books. I cannot offer anything beyond general remedies for the ailments each program is suffering from, and believe me, each program has ailments in spades. This is a general overview, not a team-by-team diagnosis.

First part should be up by mid-week.

I wasn't aware Texas recruited from Outworld

That has to be some sort of recruiting violation. When Mack Brown pulled in the "26-year old" (immortal) Outworld Sorcerer and Necromancer Quan Chi in 2001 as a WR, NAMBLA recruiting services somehow missed it as quite possibly the steal of the decade. You see, Quan "Cosby" has no use for your "route-running" or your "zone defense", aspects of a merely mortal existence, instead utilizing his teleportation ability like so:

Anderson Russell's bicycle kicks do not faze the Quan

As you saw during last night's game, Quan teleported to the perfect spot, equidistant between Anderson Russell and Marcus Freeman, tossed a random giant fucking screaming green skull Anderson's way, and sped into the end zone before you can say "Mortal Kombat 4 fucking sucked and so did its sequels". That shit's not fair. That has to be like, a penalty or something. The refs were handing those out like candy yesterday, but up and disappeared right then. I guess the GFSGS got to them as well. I propose a new NCAA regulation: all athletes must be recruited from Earthrealm.

Also, there is no truth to the rumor that, in order for Quan to "sign" with the Longhorns (in blood, of course), Mack Brown traded Will Muschamp's soul, cursing his body to remain in Austin for eternity. I think.

(Ed note: I will not be typing out a serious response to the game anytime soon. Probably. For me, the grief is still too near.)

Statistical Analysis, Part 3: Texas Defense

The third in a four part statistical analysis of each unit in the Texas-Ohio State Fiesta Bowl. Part one dealt with the Buckeye defense, part two dealt with the Texas offense, and part three covers the Longhorn defense.


To hardly anyone's surprise, the general meme around the banana republic that is Ohio State's corner of Blogfrica has been that Texas' defense is the weak spot of the team, and that Texas' lack of an elite defense will prevent this from being another embarrassing blowout. Like most conventional wisdom, this is an arrogant, and probably wrong assumption. In reviewing the defensive statistics for the teams the 'Horns offense has played, I saw some of Texas' defensive stats, particularly against the rush. I had nightmares. They are good. Will "Muskamp" does that to you. These are mostly assumptions I'm making prior to looking at the stats in-depth, however, so we shall see how they hold up afterward.

A few quick observations:

- Texas' run defense is sick-nasty and probably illegal in most states
- the secondary isn't half as bad as alleged given the offenses it has played
- Texas' defense is perfectly capable of making this game as ugly as any of the last few blowouts
- Hide the women, children. Hell, small animals too.



It's safe to say that three teams - Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Baylor - came into their game against Texas planning to win the game running the ball, like the Buckeyes inevitably will. The only game which did not end in tears for said team was Oklahoma State. Fortunately, Ohio State resembles Oklahoma State the most in terms of overall offense and players. Pryor is probably quicker in that Okie State QB Zac Robinson, and Wells is probably better (when healthy) than Kendall Hunter. The problem: Oklahoma State has a passing game to keep the defense honest. Ohio State, for most of the year, has not had any passing game, much less one to keep a defense honest. The numbers against Oklahoma are simply horrific: they held the Sooners, they of the two 1000-yard rushers, one hundred and fifty fuckin' yards under their average. It's a testament to Sam Bradford that it wasn't a blowout.

Texas is primed to shut Ohio State down. It's as simple as that. It's their strength against our strength, and I think it's hard to argue that Texas' rush defense isn't more consistent than Ohio State's rushing game, more than half of an offense that went three games without scoring an offensive touchdown. Big surprise: the offensive line has to show up. It can't just show up, though, it has to play the best game of any Ohio State offensive line since 2002 if it wants to, ya know, win. This is barring a ridiculous amount of turnovers by the Longhorns and three Malcolm Jenkins pick sixes.

No one is under any illusion that Ohio State is even a shadow of the best offense Texas has played, and with good reason. But to be fair, most offense are not Oklahoma, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, or Missouri (who I'm watching struggle with Just Northwestern this very instant, to my dismay)

The impenetrable nature of the Texas rush defense may be why we're hearing about potential tricksyness with both Pryor and Boeckman on the field. As bad as the offensive line is, I'm not sure Boeckman can make all that much of a difference. I do like the move, somewhat, since it shows a willingness by Tressel to shake things up to best attack Texas' defensive "weakness". Perhaps Boeckman will end up saving the day, given that he can complete passes 20+ yards down the field with a consistency Pryor has yet to show? Perhaps Boeckman will go out on a positively storybook note, torching the Texas secondary for 200 or more yards. Does he have it in him? Does the line have it in them to block "Osackpo" for very long, if at all?

I doubt it. We shall see. If the numbers above don't cause you to go limp in the pants as an Ohio State fan, I don't know what will. Is there any hope, Gandalf, for Pryor and Beanie? Yeah, I think so. Penn State boasts a similarly dominating rushing defense, and Pryor actually did quite well moving the ball through the air against the subpar Penn State secondary. Of course, Ohio State managed a grand total of six points in the game, so if that's what we have to take for inspiration, excuse me if I'm a little intimidated. Also inspiring: Texas had a very a good rush D in 2006 even after we beat them, though we didn't exactly gash them on the ground in Austin.

In, sum, this is your defense:



This is your defense on Will Muschamp:



Stop your wailing in agony. If you aren't already an Ohio State football fatalist, you haven't been paying attention.

Statistical Analysis, Part One: Ohio State Defense

The first in a four part statistical analysis of each unit in the Texas-Ohio State Fiesta Bowl. Part one will deal with the Buckeye defense, part two the 'Horns offense, part three the Texas defense, and part four the Ohio State offense. Most will probably agree I'm not saving the best for last.

You want a legacy, boys, aside from two title game flops that weren't really your fault? Now's your shot. Do work, son(s).


Ohio State fans can be mostly sure what the media meme this year will be: Texas' speedy, versatile offense, laden with sure-fire first rounders will absolutely shred the overrated, slow, unathletic Ohio State defense, all of whom will be lucky to get drafted (but ignore the fact that we have two, possibly three of them going in the first round on all of our draft boards the man behind the curtain!)

Serious fans of college football know things aren't quite so simple. Outside of a debacle against USC, Ohio State's defense has been more or less impenetrable. While not a rabid pack of fuck lions in the vein of Alabama and USC, the Buckeyes have seen steady improvement throughout the season, the highlight of which was limiting Penn State's potent, versatile offense to just 13 points and one offensive touchdown (off of a turnover, no less) through four quarters in Columbus. Ohio State used a complex package of blitzes, man-to-man coverage and general luck with its usual soft zone in holding Penn State four touchdowns below its average score. Not only was this arguably the most impressive performance of the defense in the last three years, it was possibly the best coaching job Heacock has done since holding, interestingly enough, Vince Young-led Texas to 25 points in Columbus, a game also ulimately decided by turnovers. For once, I cannot lay the blame for a big game loss at the feet of both Jims, because Heacock did a heck of a job (Brownie), and I can't take anything away from his accomplishment. But across the year, the defense retained its bend-but-don't-break modus operandi, giving up yards aplenty but calming down and executing when it had to.

Statistical analysis means charts, or rather a spreadsheet. I have thrown out the Youngstown game, because a) it was a travesty that it was even scheduled and b) it was competitive for about fifteen seconds in the first quarter. Anyway, here we go. You can scroll right and left or up and down as need be.




(I am aware that the above chart is rather jankity in both look and feel, but it gets the point across. If you know of a better way to upload .xls files, I'd like to hear it. For now, we get sadness, despair and Google Docs. A screw- up I don't feel like correcting: APY in the first column is supposed to be ARY, or average rushing yards. For the dimmest of you out there, APY stands for average passing yards for the season)

I want to caution against excess optimism you may get from the USC game, mainly due to the fact that, simply eyeballing the stats, it doesn't look too bad. But no, if you remember the game, they are not. At no point in the game did USC have any trouble moving the ball with consistency against the Buckeye soft zone, at least while the game was still in doubt (i.e. up until the Rey-Rey pick six). But the ugliness of the final score cannot be put entirely on the defense; the offense turned the ball over and more often than not punted in situations that gave USC excellent field position. Like Florida and to a lesser extent LSU, USC enjoyed short fields and time-consuming drives.

Nonetheless, Ohio State's defense hasn't been anything short of impressive the rest of the year, though certainly lackluster at points. 200 rushing yards to Illinois is acceptable, but not encouraging. Wisconsin's penultimate drive in which they encountered little resistance from any part of the defense is troubling, especially against a "pro-style" (i.e. non-spread) offense that, if you listen to Ohio State fans, we "usually dominate" (meaning Lloyd-Carr era Michigan and Joe Pa's ponderous rock-throwing offenses of the early 2000's). But by and large, it's nitpicking. USC didn't have as good of a day as it might at first seem, short fields or not, and Penn State's passing attack was wholly shut down. Really, as you look across the season, no one passed all over the Buckeyes, and for the most part the last few years, limiting the opposing passing game has been Heacock's specialty, if not shutting it down entirely. Florida's spread barely cracked 200 against the Buckeyes, and Matt Flynn only tossed for 174 yards against the OSU secondary in LSU's title win. Historically, Ohio State is a very good team against the pass under Heacock. Against LSU, Florida and USC, short fields and offensive turnovers had as much to do with the ugly finals as bad defense did. Preventing short fields against the APOCB-certified Downright 'Donkulous (©) Texas offense will be key to Ohio State even keeping the game close, much less winning. Ironically, the onus is on the special teams to let the defense do what it does best: stop people in the red zone after long, sustained drives. It has a tough task against Jordan Shipley, bonafide white guy "possession receiver" with deceptive speed/surprising athleticism/incredible toughness, who single-handedly shifted momentum in both the OU and Texas Tech games.

Next, I'll be discussing Texas' potent, somewhat one-dimensional offense, and issuing an idiotic blanket prediction about how I think the two will match-up based on given evidence.

It's Tejas

"Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the second his heart rips in half."

While it is far from the best of all possible match-ups, Ohio State has drawn a relatively favorable one in Texas. In the Fiesta bowl, too, where we had so much success before the Game That Shall Not Be Named, though Buckeye partisans are sure to point out that that wasn't actually the Fiesta Bowl, just a national championship game played at the Fiesta Bowl site. Whatev. What matters is Ohio State is 3-1 in Tempe, and the last four trips there have showcased partisan Buckeye crowds. Given the results of the last two bowl games and the spiraling deathstorm that the gubmint calls an economy, bowl attendance for Ohio State is likely to take a hit. Yes, the Buckeyes are typically one of the best traveling fanbases, but so is Texas, and I'd be shocked in the crowd isn't basically split down the middle.

I like this match-up for a number of reasons. First, Texas has a terrific fanbase. I went to the game in '05 and by far they were the best of any visiting group of fans. Predictably, they were treated awfully by most of Buckeye nation, but the hilljacks Ohio State fans I sat near were very cordial to the visitors. The atmosphere was suitably tense for most of the game, but the vulgar language was directed toward the field (three audible "RIP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF"-s when Vince Young toted the ball), and not at the opposing fans, which was nice. The horror stories I've heard from that night are undoubtedly true, but it seems Texas fans in my section took it in stride if they were victimized in any way.

Second, Texas' defense leaves a lot to be desired. They're vastly improved from last year, given the acquisition of the Right Honourable Boom Motherfucker, Esq., head coach-in-waiting and card-carrying twisted psycho. Nonetheless, Texas has been a bend-but-don't-break defense for most of the year, getting aggressive when need be but giving up yards in bunches, mostly through the air.

Third, Texas has one thing it does really well on offense, and that is airing it out. RoboColt completes roughly 77 percent of his passes last I checked, but (probably) hasn't seen a secondary as good as Ohio State's all year. Secondly, Texas doesn't have many burners in the vein of Damien Williams from SC or Percy Harvin from Florida. They're there, but they're either young or not starting. I fully expect Texas to put as much speed on the field as it can against Ohio State, because while the Buckeyes don't lack speed (grr), they have had trouble stopping speedsters with their soft zone approach, which more often than not makes the Buckeyes look slow.

Fourth, there is one team Texas played all year that looks certifiably like Ohio State's offense, and it's Oklahoma State. Texas barely beat Okie State 28-24 in Austin. The same Okie State team traveled to Lubbock weeks later and found itself the victim of a 35-point beatdown at the hands of Texas Tech. Okie State is not particularly good. There is a problem: Okie State has a passing game. Texas could not stack the box against Okie State because Zac Robinson is a true dual threat with a playmaker like Dez Bryant to throw to, unlike the One at this point in his career. Ohio State absolutely must attack Texas' secondary, the weakest part of the defense, in order to win. If they cannot do this, Texas will stack the box, like Penn State and USC, and dare Ohio State to throw its way to a win. Terrelle Pryor has not shown he can do that yet. If there is any time for the Ohio State passing game's coming out party against a sub-par pass defense, it is now.

This is by far the most winnable BCS game in which Ohio State could have landed. Those of you who care about our program's "reputation" should enjoy this match-up as a chance for Ohio State to show it really can beat the Big Boys. By no means is Texas overrated, or is Ohio State underrated. These teams are where they deserve to be in the polls. The line is currently at 10 and will likely move up come game time. This game is on the coaching staff, because this team is undoubtedly talented enough to win this game, and every game it had on its schedule for that matter, but I digress. The coordinators have one last chance to impress. Regardless of how this game goes, I'd like to see them gone gone gone in the offseason. But a win against a genuinely good team earns them a little of our patience. I fully expect them, when given said patience, to flush the opportunities it presents down the toilet come September, but maybe that's just me.

In the coming weeks I'll be doing unit breakdowns and match-ups as bowl preview. I fully expect analysis of the facts to improve my outlook of the game, but I caution against any and all optimism on the grounds that I grew more optimistic while examining the stats prior to the LSU game last year, and then reality promptly took a nice giant nutty shit on my happy little world come January 7th.

Sittin' on top of the world, part 3

Part three of a three-part series of incoherent rants, jumbled musings and confused bullhockey about the last three seasons. Highlighted here is the Season of Upstarts and Broken Hearts, 2008.


So, it was 2008, I guess. We had a pretty good football team coming in, I guess. Number three in the country or something. I wasn't ready to get excited about much of anything, because regardless of how the season began and where we ranked in whatever preseason poll was being thrown out based entirely on program reputation, the fate of the entire season hinged on one game. In a down conference, after two years of embarassment, Ohio State had one shot to "redeem itself". As most of you probably already know, it did not. In the wake: "sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation and resigned ennui" as That Dirty Hippie Up North so eloquently put it. The one thing I actually cheered about all night was when Marcus Freeman finally got to Mark 'Dirté' Sanchez on a 4th down sack, when the game was already over, and the Humanitarian was running up the score to impress the voters. I don't have anything against Carroll or USC or running up the score; I just simply pumped my fist and let out a little, defeated "yeah!" from the comfort of my living room couch. Looking back at this, I realize now why exactly I was cheering a great play by a team down 32 points: it still had some measure of fight left in it. Say what you will about Heacock, Bollman, the Vest and their failures on the national stage and I will probably agree with 90% of it. But don't you ever knock this group of seniors for anything outside of the occasional blown assignment or missed block. Marcus Freeman, James Laurinaitis, Alex Boone, Malcolm Jenkins, and every other senior on that roster has invested anywhere from 4 to 6 years in the program, and every single one of them deserves our admiration, thanks, and utmost respect for representing the university most of you attended and nearly all of my readers (all three of you) cheer for. Marcus Freeman had been relegated to pass coverage and blitzing on only the most obvious downs all night, and even though it was hopeless and there was nothing but embarassment and shame and resigned ennuie to be had after this game, he still fought to the end as best he could. Like a fucking warrior-poet.

Ohio State again had a shot at redeeming this season if not the program as a whole in its night home game against Penn State. In a game I still can't entirely explain, the Ohio State defense held up against an offense that looked unstoppable against everyone save a fluky game against Purdue. Heacock, despite Penn State's athletic WRs and RBs and spread offense, did not chicken out and play soft. He played man on occasion, blitzed on unconventional downs, and the defensive line actually got pressure - plenty of it -on Daryl Clark. Penn State was held to its lowest scoring output of the season, and needed two freshman mistakes by the One to get out of Columbus alive. For the third time in 2008, Ohio State was held without an offensive touchdown. The best game Jim Heacock had coached since Texas in 2005 was ignored largely because of the failures of Jim Bollman's side of the ball. But that loss, and the other offensive woes, can not easily be laid entirely at the feet of Jim Bollman. After all, he's a glorified line coach. He's Mike Debord with a Buckstache. Tressel is the balla, shot-calla of the offense. He chooses the plays. Apparently, Bollman literally suggests three or four plays and Tressel just picks one. Not only is this somewhat disturbing, it's disheartening that Bollman is receiving criticism, much like Ohio State, over something he doesn't have as much control over as people would like to believe. The rest of Ohio State's season was so nondescript I can sum every game up in basically one sentence: Pryor attempts less than 15 passes, Beanie Wells solidifies his draft stock when playing, the running game muddles along okay without him, and the offensive line consistently gets owned by the 2-star and 3-star Jimmies and Joes of Northwestern and Ohio. Terrelle Pryor has been nothing but impressive. He has made his freshman mistakes - taking large, drive-killing sacks chief among them - but they have not come in the form of constant turnovers, or really anything that would make you even begin to think he might not be the long-term answer at QB. Other youngsters impressed, Dan Herron and Michael Brewster chief among them, and Jermale "the Jackhammer" Hines looked impressive filling in for Kurt Coleman when he could. It was by no means a youth movement, but it was encouraging to see the next iteration of Ohio State football taking shape in these younger players.

The season was a disappointment. I don't think anyone can argue around that. This was the most talented team Jim Tressel has coached. Outside of a tough road date at USC, it was reasonable to expect an undefeated season. We had a sixth year (!) senior at quarterback, three seniors on the offensive line, arguably the best cover corner in the country, and a top-5 linebacker corps. Typically, the expectations of the Ohio State fanbase are a bit much, to put it lightly. There are many in our fanbase who think it is our birthright to go undefeated every year and that anything less is simply unacceptable. Personally, I am under no illusions that Ohio State fans are "owed" anything, or that even while donating millions of dollars to the AD that they "deserve" something. There is a difference between expectations and demands. I expected an undefeated season, but I'm not opening up Lane Avenue Torch and Pitfork over a two-loss season.

Nonetheless - and this is something I think all CFB fans can agree on - Ohio State is developing a character, and this year did nothing but reinforce it. Come the big games against the supposed big boys, Ohio State crumples. It fails. It dies trying. Whatever happens, it defies simple explanation. Some attempt to take the easy route and blame Ohio State's "lack of athleticism" (Mark May, Colin Cowherd, Todd McShay) even while their colleagues continually place Ohio State players at or near the top of their NFL draft boards at basically every position. Others point to Ohio State's soft conference schedule, something over which the Buckeyes have no control. In 2007, people pointed to the lackluster OOC schedule, featuring two macrifices, a D-1AA team and a Washington game scheduled years ago, shortly after Washington won a Rose Bowl. Again, this isn't something Ohio State can easily control. Most of the Ohio State fanbase faults the two coordinators: Jim Bollman and Jim Heacock. These two are easy targets, given their staid, consistent-yet-underwhelming schemes and the general perception that Tressel is still one of the top-five coaches in America.

As usual, the truth lies somewhere in the middle of that clusterfuck. I buy arguments regarding Ohio State's conference being down because the counter-argument literally doesn't exist, I buy arguments about the two coordinators, and I can see why people think Ohio State lacks athletes, even though to do so, I must forget most of what I know about football, defensive and offensive schemes, gap assignments, reads, so on and so forth. The problem is not, and will probably never be a lack of athletes. There is no unifying cause of Ohio State's problems in the "big game", but I do think these problems will begin to be addressed by doing the following.

1. Give Heacock and Bollman a nice, long sabbatical/vacay in Naples, and bar them from entering the state of Ohio for any reason other than to visit family ever again.

2. Tressel must cede playcalling to Bollman's replacement. He will be compensated with a lifetime supply of Bonbons and a private Beach Boys (what's left of them) concert.

3. Hire Mike Barwis or one of the wolves who raised him as S+C coach. Steve Rehring, in both attitude and physical shape, is the embodiment of everything wrong with the Ohio State offensive line. In the offseason, he claimed he should be given time off from practice because he's been their for four years and knows what's going on. In 2007, he showed up to camp at a nice, lean 350 fucking pounds and lost his starting job as a result (which he would win back after dropping supposedly 30, maybe 10-15 lbs). The entire offensive line is resting on laurels it doesn't even have.

Sigh. I should probably wrap this up, shouldn't I?

The last three years have been interesting, to say the least, if you're an Ohio State fan. It all started with a monumental win at 2nd-ranked Texas in 2006, and three years later, it's come full circle to a rubber match with the Longhorns in the Fiesta Bowl. Many, including myself to some extent, won't give the Buckeyes a chance. 90% of the idiots who don't give Ohio State a chance will claim that Ohio State "can't win the Big Game", while simultaneously calling this a "rubber match" after Ohio State 24-7 triumph in 1 vs. 2 in Austin (seems like a somewhat big game) and Texas' 25-22 escape from Columbus in a game in which both teams were also ranked in the top ten. This era of Ohio State football isn't set in stone yet, despite all the negativity surrounding the program and its players. The coaching staff must put together one of the best gameplans they have in their time here, to send these seniors, ones that they have failed four consecutive times in the biggest games of their lives, off on a high note. If anyone is owed anything, it's these guys: