What's Wrong With the Big Ten: Dead Weight

Single-handedly destroying once-proud programs, one loss to a MAC team at a time

To some, this section may seem a little harsh. After all, the gentlemen pictured above are in the early stages of their coaching careers at their respective schools, one took his team to a Rose Bowl, and the other took his team to 12-win season in 2006. Both of them seem like relatively nice guys, in the same way everyone seems like a "nice person" when you hardly know them beyond a shared conversation or two. In all honesty, one is arguably a cokefiend and the other is arguably a meathead, possibly a hellspawn. I have no problem criticizing either of these two.

We begin first with Ron Zook of Illinois, more popularly known as [NAME REDACTED] to Blogfrica. His first season can be forgiven; he took over a team with really no talent to speak of left over from the Ron Turner era, and lead them to a 2-9 season. His second season is when Illinois boosters and the athletic department should have gotten a little wary of exactly what was going on in the wonderful little world that must exist in Ron Zook's head. He named Juice Williams his starter shortly into the season. This starter completed 39.6% of his passes on the season, looking like a freshman in every single game but being bailed out by yet another hapless Michigan State team under John L. Smith. There did not appear to be much hope for the future as the coach clung desperately to the promising-but-still-very-raw scrambler with a howitzer arm. Illinois actually improved on its loss total under the new scheduling rules, losing 10 games out of 12 and signaling what was thought to be an early doom for the Ron Zook era. To be honest, calls for his job at this point would have been very Ohio State - ridiculous and way too damn early. Yeah, it sucks, but you can muddle through. I tend to subscribe to the "three years and you're out" school of thought; if a coach takes over a failing program and doesn't lead them to at least a .500 season by his third year - and this "time limit", if you will, is negotiable, depending on circumstances such as the overall talent level when he arrives, expectations, etc. - he should probably be let go.

It can be said Zook responded quite well; the next season the Illini won 9 games, including a surprising win over top-ranked Ohio State. Well, I say this with tongue in cheek, because if you followed that team over the season, you knew it didn't look like a number one team and was only there because literally every team ahead of them at the start of the season had lost at one point or another. Ohio State was not that good, but it was still a respectable, potentially-program-building win for Zook, who rode his star quarterback all season long. Illinois went to a Rose Bowl and found itself in well over its head, but considering Williams was only a sophomore, things were looking bright.

It was not until his fourth year that the Zooker aura fully set in. Given the loss of some senior leadership on D (and undoubtedly the greatest patriot this country has ever known), a step down was expected, partially offset by the gains the offense - especially the passing game - was expected to make. Really, Illinois delivered on offensive expectations in terms of an improved passing game, but the running game was surprisingly lackluster; surprising because the talent was there, and so, arguably, was the offensive line. The passing game did improve drastically, but key elements of what made the Illini competitive in the Big Ten again - the rushing game and the defense - were simply gone. Illinois lost a defensive tackle, two linebackers, and both safeties, and utterly fell apart. That's a little more than half the defense returning; it should have taken a step back, but it should not have collapsed as it did in 2008. Were I an Illini fan, I would be extremely wary of this guy in 2008; if the team does not improve drastically with the influx of young talent, it has to be time to let Zook go. Florida fans would probably be the first tell you that this was not a good hire; the man has turned in one good season off the backs of unbelievable amounts of talent given Illinois' recent history. A younger, more - uh - rational coach - and some defense, jeez - would be a Godsend to the Big Ten and Illinois.

Wisconsin. Hoo boy. I have to say that I liked Barry Alvarez. A lot. Something about him made him more likable than your average coach. No idea why. When he left for Wisconsin's AD job, I was fully confident the guy would only approve a genius of a successor, one who wouldn't change what Barry left behind but also build on it. When he chose Bret Bielema, I figured the Bielema would do a heckuva job (Brownie) so and so forth and what not. I really didn't think much of it until he went 12-1 in his first season - on, admittedly, a schedule featuring various schools for the Blind and Infirm plus Michigan as the only vaguely good team - and Bielema looked like the Wisconsin Cheese Warrior God-King. I'll admit, this was my Scout/Rivals period, and I bought into the hype.

Then 2007 happened, and then 2008 happened. In both years, Wisconsin was expected to at least compete for the Big Ten title, and possibly find itself in a nice little BCS spot - probably the Rose Bowl - if it does just that. 2008 was a down year for Michigan, and 2007 was down for both Michigan and Penn State. This should not have been hard. In 2007, after a 5-0 start, Bielema met with his brother-in-failures Ron Zook, and lost. Wisconsin then lost four of the next eight, including a 31-point curbstomping at the hands of Penn State. Anthony Morelli was the starting QB for Penn State. ANTHONY "2-INTS A GAME" MORELLI. This is not that hard, Bielema.

I, and perhaps many Wisconsin fans, forgave Bielema for 2007. He's not perfect; while the conference may be down, this is a "young team" and all that. But 2008 was just bad. You goons lost to Michigan. Ten dickless paraplegics with an emu playing quarterback could have beaten Michigan this year. Actually, they did: Notre Dame beat Michigan 35-17; though to be blunt, Michigan would probably have won that game had the return team not been dipping their hands in butter and bacon grease on the sidelines. The heartbreaker to Ohio State is forgivable - by the end of the season it was obvious Ohio State was better than its 35-3 shitkicking at the hands of USC, and that it could, in fact, hang with 'elite programs'. A 20-17 loss to that team is entirely forgivable.

But, 48-7 to Penn State? At home, night game? That's fail with a capital "FUCKING HELL YOU INGRATE". Purdue held Penn State to 20 points, Ohio State held them to 13. Wisconsin's talent on defense is not that far removed from either of those two schools. Penn State, as I said before, during, and after the season, was not that good. Upon being smacked in the mouth, as pointed out in the post prior to this one, Penn State Big Tens itself into an oblivion of off tackle runs for three yards and wobbly underthrown desperation bombs. Wisconsin supplied all the butt Penn State wanted it to in that game, and it didn't have to be that way. This is Bielema at his worst; losing games Wisconsin, on talent alone, has every reason to be quite competitive in, and possibly win. Barry Alvarez would have won that game, I say this with no proof whatsoever but goddamn it, it violates laws of nature to lose that big at home if you aren't Just Northwestern, or Indiana. That's a loss the dregs of the conference look at and say, "damn, they just got their shit pushed up". Is it all Bielema's fault? It's never "all" anyone's fault (except when talking about Jim Bollman and the Ohio State "offense"); there are a number of factors including Wisconsin's terrible luck of the draw at quarterback, namely: they all suck some serious dong. Allan Evridge was unspeakably awful against almost everyone, and Dustin Sherer, while respectable until has late collapse in the Champs Sports Bowl, didn't really add anything to the offense.

I am not arguing that the aforementioned goons be fired because they aren't winning enough. If I were Barry Alvarez and whatever old white dude Illinois calls its AD, they'd be out the door based on a lack of results and the fact that they are not bringing anything new to the program, anything for recruits or the fanbases to get excited about. I call them dead weight because that's what they are; you don't have to get rid of dead weight. You can let it slow you down, and eventually drag you down. But you don't have to do anything about it if it violates your principles as an academic institution or whatever lamebrained excuse apologists trot out when it comes torch-and-pitchfork time.

The third and final section of this prolonged, needless rant deals with the cratered expectations of various teams - and of course, their fanbases - around the conferece.